New Age Bullshit


Catholics_and_the_New AgeI was talking with a friend yesterday. She was hooked on this idea that there is some inherent, unseen world that magically allows us to attune to absolute truth. Like truth is some kind of compass that people can align to. It such a crock that it’s hard for me to keep a straight face.

Friends, there is no ultimate invisible reality. There can’t be such a thing because it would mean all kinds of crazy things to this life – none of which are actually occurring in reality. For example, anything is not possible. Which is fucking AWESOME. I’m happy that the things I think don’t happen. The world would suck if it did.

If I’m driving down the freeway wishing ill will on the driver who just cut me off – I’m thrilled nothing happens to him – cause if we did have that kind of magical control over the universe, I would have been dead long ago.

Piss somebody off. Explode in a sea of guts and no glory.

An invisible world would assume that there is an absolute “target of truth” out there. A record keeping system of perfection. (This is what the Santa Clause myth is all about) Some crazy new agers call this non-sense Karma. Karma – the idea that what goes around comes around – assumes there’s an absolute standard in the universe. And, there is no such thing as absolute truth.

No “body” or entity  cares about you and what you do, because there is no such thing.

Imagine a world where there are these “lords of karma” (no joke – people believe in this stuff). These lords watch what you do and keep a record. But here’s the problem. We believe we are consciously aware of our intentions in anything we do. But research shows conclusively that’s not the case. Huge parts of our lives are handled by brain power well outside of our conscious awareness.  So even if I did something consciously that I deemed as “the karmically right thing to do”, it may be the case that my unconscious intentions are completely at odds and have absolutely different intentions to the same action.

For example, people often do “good deeds” not because they are doing the good deed, but because they are buying an insurance policy to get to heaven. There’s no actual good intention behind the act.

So what’s a lord of karma to do with this? Does it go into the “you’re fucking awesome because you did the good deed” bucket? Or, does it go into the “you’re a dick because you did what you did for completely selfish reasons – so you could buy a first class ticket to heaven. Therefore your action not only doesn’t count, but you have created more karma for yourself because you lied in your intentions. Sucker. ”

Do you get my drift. In a universe of karma you are screwed no matter what you do, because every action is bad for somebody down the line. EVERYTHING. Yes, everything. From vegetarianism to tee shirts, somebody is getting hurt in the deal – no matter what it is that you do. So how exactly do we score the “green teeshirt” you just bought. You just screwed somebody in Vietnam out of a days pay to support their kids and family. Meanie.

You see, the way the universe occurs to new agers and religious folk is that it’s a really dangerous place – filled with bad energy and cosmic tricks and traps- where anything could happen at any given moment.

That’s not a world I want to live in. It’s too chaotic and crazy – completely based on punishment and reward.

Once we step out of the land of make believe and myths, life is naturally simpler, easier to perceive and far more fun to experience. I’m a reformed New Ager. I was an absolute true believer until about 10 years ago. My life is completely different once I figured this stuff out. No longer am I stressed by the simplest of tasks. I know there is no absolute truth or absolute anything… there is life, and that’s what I’m living.