Yoga and Bullshit

I’m sorry to say that yoga is probably one of the biggest proponents of bullshit mythological thinking that there is currently in the modern cultural pantheon of mythologies.  Yoga mythologies are just absurd.  Really, here’s the essence of yoga in a nutshell.  You stretch, you breathe, you bend over, you move some muscles, you weight your bones, and guess what, after an hour and a half of doing that, you feel better.  How weird!  But that’s not a good enough explanation.  No.  Yoga has to become the path to enlightenment.  Yoga has to become the new Christianity.  Yoga has to become the spiritual path of the ancients that has been brought back to life to bring quality of mind, body, and spirit to your life.

Yeah, we have to add all that bullshit in because we’re not capable of simply exercising, and exercising is not interesting.  Exercising is something that meatheads do, but as a civilized, conscious person, you must practice yoga.  That’s the probablem right there.  You see, you are so fucking full of yourself.  You are so full of shit, so in the belief system that you are the center of the universe, that you are the person who the whole universe revolves around — that there is no way you can just do mere mortal exercise.  No, you have to do yoga.

Why?  What the hell is so important about yoga?  You are bending over.  You’re breathing. You’re stretching your arms, you’re stretching your muscles and your tendons and your ligaments, you’re building strength, you’re working some cardiovascular.  Big deal.  Do we have to create an entire religion around it?  Of course, the answer is, yes we do.

Why?  Because it seems human beings would rather create outrageously complicated and bizarre stories and build these complex scenarios instead of just doing exercise. Because some delusional fool 4,000 years ago was sitting in a cave and doing exercise and not eating and not having sex and doing all these crazy contortions – and all of a sudden, he became “enlightened, we now have the religion of yoga. In his enlightenment, he decided to start a religion. Awesome. His religion is a religion based on the idea that you can attain a certain level of consciousness that puts you in touch with the oneness of God and the infiniteness of the universe.  In fact, these people do have the experiences that they claim.  They have something that begins to put them into an altered state, but the mistake the sensations in their body for 3D reality.

So, the delusion is that an elder creates a religion around his or her hallucinatory belief system. He creates a reality, an entire yogic way of being, and the yoga postures become the answer to life, the path to enlightenment. So you have a whole generation of knuckleheads that are thinking that the way they bend over must be done the way our elders did a pose. It’s the delusion that there is some kind of perfection out there that we must emulate. To add insult to injury, it is through the perfection of the pose that ultimately, you will become enlightened.

That is the equivalent of saying I reached enlightenment while eating cat food, and so you just have to keep eating cat food, Friskee’s to be exact, and one day, you too will be enlightened. It’s the exact same thing; it’s just one knucklehead was doing yoga and some other knucklehead was taking drugs and some other knucklehead was thinking about God and some other knucklehead thought that he was the second coming and some other knucklehead was listening to burning bushes, obviously, clearly taking drugs, and came back to his people and told them how they achieved this coveted state of enlightenment.

Now personally, I have been “enlightened” for seven years. I had my first enlightenment experience seven years ago. Now, the only difference between me and other teachers is I had that experience, but that did not stop me. It didn’t stop me from asking questions. It didn’t stop me from using critical thinking. It didn’t stop me from using my brain. In fact, quite the opposite. And I began to see the new consciousness of enlightenment was nothing more than a form of hallucination – a chronic trance state.

Enlightenment is a form of trance where you have the delusion that you are in touch and one with everything in the universe. However, if in fact you test that delusion out in three dimensional reality, you begin to see that in fact, you’re not in touch with the universe, you’re not in touch with all that there is, you are not one with everything any more than anything else is one with everything.

Yes, from a certain hallucinatory perspective, it may feel that way. You may believe that you can put your hand through a wall or that you can know all the knowledge of the universe. But you can’t and you don’t. You may believe that you can, but it doesn’t mean it’s true. So much for the bullshit of The Secret.

So, for any of you that think that you’re enlightened and think you are one with the universe I would like to try my simple experiment. Of course, if you are all that, you know everything and you even know what my experiment is before I even ask it.

So, tell me what my experiment is and tell me the answer and I will sing your praises and fall at your feet. Other than that, shut the fuck up! I am tired of listening to people who talk about oh, they’re enlightened and conscious, and they’re this and they’re that and they know what’s best for me or you – or even worse, humanity.

That is bullshit and I am tired of it! You don’t know me any more or less than you know the dirt under your toe nails.

When I go to a yoga class, I want to take fucking yoga. That’s what I want to do. I want to take yoga class. I do not want to hear your opinions about what our forefathers meant or how great life was back in the fucking Middle Ages; are you crazy? Have you done any research about the Middle Ages, or way back when?

Yeah, let’s go back to the good old days.  That sounds perfect.  Let’s go back to the days when you would break your arm and die because of infection.  Let’s go back to the good old days. How about the medieval times when they’re torturing you because you don’t believe what I believe, so we’re going to cut your scalp off and rip your brain out while you’re alive and not under any anesthesia.  That sounds perfect.

Oh, how about let’s go back to the good old days when you fall and cut your knees and your knee gets infested with disease and infection and you die.  Times when a cold could kill you.  Let’s go back to those good old days when the average life expectancy was 20, and you were an old person at 30.

I can’t take much more of this insane thinking.  People, please.  It is time to wake up.  Do you really believe life was that great?  Really?  Is that really what you think?  You think life was the way we’re living it right now with sewage, running water, electricity?  I got news for you, it wasn’t.  And as hot as it is right now, I have electricity and I have a fan blowing and I have flowing water and I can take a shower.   These are things that were not even possible in many parts of the world even a hundred years ago.  So, stop with all your pious bullshit because that is all it is.

Enlightenment is another hallucinatory state, all be it a comfortable one, a fun one, a nice one.  It’s a beautiful experience, but it is not reality.

So for all you yoga fanatics — you don’t have to worry about whether or not your doing the pose right because the pose is irrelevant.  Some asshole from 2000 years ago thought he hit on the truth of the entire fucking universe by coming up with some ridiculous pose and moving it to some crazy altered state and thinking that therefore, he has to preach that to the whole world to save the world.

You need to read my book, but in chapter 13, it talks about the buckets of mythology.  Guess what, this is just another bullshit bucket.  You see, all myths in religions, whether they’re yoga or they’re Christianity or Buddhism or Islam or any other religion, they are all based on the same idea — I have the right way, and you don’t!  If you don’t do it my way, you will die – god, the universe, whatever, will take you out.  Okay?  That’s it.  There is really not much else going on.  Whether it’s vegetarianism or yoga or any other crazy frickin’ thing, the concept is still the same.  Do it my way or else suffer the consequences.

I’ve got news for you.  It is time to wake up and see that there is no right way to do anything, and nobody has the corner of knowledge on the market, nobody, including the Pope or anybody else.  It’s time to wake up and smell the roses.  You don’t smell as pretty as you think you do.  In fact, you smell kind of bad because the stuff that you’re touting as reality and truth smells as bad as the day old fish remains I have sitting in the garbage. Sorry. You don’t have it all worked out and neither does anybody else.

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